What to Do When You and Your Spouse Need Different Levels of Care

Every couple is different, and the journey to staying together in senior living begins with taking stock of your unique situation.

Perhaps you could live independently, but your spouse needs more assistance with daily activities than you feel you are able to provide long-term. Or maybe you could use a little more help with day-to-day things yourself, but your spouse is beginning to show signs of memory loss or cognitive decline. The role shift of caregiving may even be changing the dynamics of your relationship  and you both feel like you may benefit from someone else providing that assistance.

Whatever your individual case may be, understand what you’re seeking and be ready to communicate it to the professionals at the senior living communities you explore.

Start Your Search With Assisted Living

Couples with differing care needs may be able to live together in assisted living communities. In Brookdale assisted living communities, our personalized care plans are tailored to each resident, so differing care needs are able to be addressed.

“If one spouse needs assistance with daily living activities and the other doesn’t, they can still move in together,” says Madison Sargent, RN, BSN and Director of Clinical Operations at Brookdale. “As the couple ages in place, we can add on the layers of care services as needed for either one of them.”

Spouses who choose to live in an assisted living community with no care services will still benefit from all the perks of community life, like laundry, housekeeping, meals, transportation and activities. And later, if you develop care needs of your own, you’re already set in a community that is likely equipped to support you.

Factor in Memory Care

No one has a crystal ball when it comes to predicting care needs, but if your spouse is exhibiting signs of memory loss, it’s pivotal to plan ahead for what the coming years might bring.

If someone is in the early stages of dementia, they may not necessarily need memory care right away. But knowing they might need a higher level of care later on, it’s wise to seek out a community with multiple levels of care, so if that time comes, you can avoid an emergency move.

“We have many communities that have two separate areas in the same building: one for assisted living residents and one for residents living with dementia in our secured memory care. This is wonderful for our couples where one is experiencing memory loss,” Sargent says. “One spouse can live in the specialized memory care area and the other can live independently, or with assistance, in the assisted living side. The challenges of traveling to visit each other are removed when they live in the same building and they can see each other daily, even eating meals together.”

One resident, Maria, and her husband, Bob, really saw the value in this model. After Bob moved into memory care, Maria was still able to see him daily.

Research CCRCs and Your State’s Laws

CCRCs, or Continuing Care Retirement Communities, are more expansive communities that feature 3-4 levels of care on one campus. CCRCs that feature skilled nursing can help prevent the need to move again if you or your spouse end up requiring support beyond what assisted living or memory care can provide.

“Assisted living can be radically different from state to state,” Sargent says. “If you’re not sure what level of care you need, reach out to a Brookdale community for a nurse’s assessment. They’ll be able to evaluate your needs and tell you whether you and your spouse are appropriate for assisted living or if they need a skilled level of care. If spouses are recommended different levels of care, it may benefit you to find a CCRC campus that features both skilled nursing and assisted living so you can live close.”

As you’re doing your research, see what kinds of CCRCs are available in your area and ask about your state’s regulations on senior living arrangements when you’re speaking with community directors.

Grow Old Together

Staying together in a senior living community offers numerous benefits that help contribute to a couple’s well-being. Beyond the obvious emotional connection, being together every day can promote health and happiness for both partners.

The more independent spouse, who intimately knows the partner with more advanced needs, can remain an invaluable support system, swiftly identifying changes in their spouse's condition or well-being.

“You’re the person who has always been there, who will continue to be there and can serve as an extra layer of support for your spouse,” Sargent says. “Spouses play an integral role in partnering with our staff to provide the best possible personalized care.”

This unique level of companionship and care creates a holistic environment that lets you be there for each other and continue to enjoy your relationship with the passage of time.

“You don’t have to be the caretaker anymore,” Sargent explains. “We take the hard stuff from you, so you get to just enjoy being the husband or wife again.”